“You Can’t Play With Us”

Ever since I was little girl, I’ve been on the outskirts of life.

Never fitting, never belonging, experiencing rejection after rejection of every kind.

I didn’t even have the chance to try to be one of the crowd, because the crowd didn’t want me. My life’s journey has been – by necessity – one of learning piece by piece how to take up your place in the world as all that you are without fear, shame or apology when the world is repulsed by your presence.

All while rejecting nothing of yourself, and refusing to your dim your light even a kilowatt.

As a young child arriving at school in a tiny rural village in Ireland after my parents moved us back home from London, I was instantly pushed away by my classmates who saw me as far too strange, and announced “you can’t play with us”.

Actually, that was the best of it. The worst was the cruel jabs, the literal stone-throwing, all the attempts to hurt me so much that I would hopefully go away again and take everything about myself that pressed on areas that they could not handle with me.

While on holiday with my family one year, either somebody told or a teacher enquired about why I was always on my own, but somehow it got out that Ciara wasn’t allowed to play with the other children in the playground at lunch time.

I came back to a class assembly where it was announced and agreed upon with the whole class that “Ciara is to be included”. With great enthusiasm from everyone involved, I was invited into the games and frolicked around the playground a little confused and unsure, but happily surprised at the change.

This lasted about 2 weeks until everyone got bored and the teachers were no longer watching, and then once again Ciara wasn’t allowed to play anymore. The sting of disappointment and the requirement to trust somehow again over and over is something I know very well.

Aside from these couple of weeks, the duration of my time in school as a child was spent watching from the kerb while the other children played. I’ve known hurt, I’ve known pain, I know what it’s like to never be welcome.

Though it broke the heart of the little girl inside, the profound gift of this experience has struck me so many times as I now support my precious clients who were never meant to fit in an insane world, but have come to create a new one in its place, to step into who they really are and create a life where all them thrives.

Trust me when I say that I GET IT. I don’t know anyone else who has walked this path quite so intensively and come out the other side shining.

I GET that your gifts have been shunned by others, I GET that your very existence has been a bane in the lives of those who did not want to change. I understand that you’ve wanted to hide as a result, but that something in your soul tells you that you cannot.

And I can help you to come into fully radiant acceptance of your beingness such that you land in a self-created world of your own making that lifts to you heights you can barely imagine, and find yourself (as I am now) surrounded by others like you who love you exactly as you are and deeply respect, honour appreciate and WANT all that you bring to the table.

And where that calling that tells you you’re not meant to dim it down and keep all that magic within in a secret box is answered.

Because I was never accepted, I intimately understand the layers involved in the journey of embodying who you came here to be no matter what, and the deep deep work of self-welcoming that is involved in such an incredibly nuanced process.

And here’s a piece that is not often spoken about: the Shaman always stands on the edge of the world, neither here nor there. And you may have the problem that even as you start to find yourself amongst a group, you know you cannot stay there like the others too.

I can help you to land in way that even as you find yourself surrounded by your people, you never leave the place of true sovereignty in attempts at “belonging”. Because the only one you can truly belong to is you, and yours is a path of freedom.

There is a way to be part of the world and stand alone as well.

The Vision Quest journey is open for those who are called 🙏

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